Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
It's not a walk of shame if you run
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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