"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
