Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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