I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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