I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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