sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
you win again, gameday.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Randomize
