omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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