wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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