She is in my trunk
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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