Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
