birth control should be required to get into college
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
