i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
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I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
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One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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