Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
