just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
