dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
