She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
