The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
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I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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