I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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