I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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