im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
