her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
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Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
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Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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