So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
