either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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