I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
