I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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