i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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