Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
