I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
You can't special order awesome
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
