Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
