it was like his penis was on wheels.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
i think im in europe. pls send help
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
