yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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