ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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