Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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