So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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