Nicole vs. Life
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
