The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
