I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
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