i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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