I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
