Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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