i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
