Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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