Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
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The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
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My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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