the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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