really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
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