That's intense
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
