She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
not ubering you a puppy
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
