We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
