we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize
