His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
