You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
