New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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