his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
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i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
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Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize