Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
