we made out on top of his cat.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
