I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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