She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
