Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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