Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Let's get the cat blown out
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
