Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
